Lost on Planet China

lost china

After reading J. Maarten Troost‘s Lost on Planet China: The Strange and True Story of One Man’s Attempt to Understand the World’s Most Mystifying Nation Or How He Became Comfortable Eating Live Squid, I’m putting his earlier books at the top of my “to read list.”

When Troost and his wife outgrow their home in California, they consider moving to China. But first Troost feels the need to investigate. Would China be the place to bring up his two boys? Thus he sets off on what must have been months of travel all around the Middle Kingdom.

Soon after arriving in polluted Beijing, it’s clear that Troost isn’t exposing his sons to the PM 2.5 laced smog that passes for air in China. No. He’s a good father.

Yet he’s also a traveler and he wants to see what makes this empire tick. So he travels through China stopping in Tai an, Qingdao, Nanjing, Shanghai, Tibet, Chengdu and many other exotic, perplexing, fascinating, crowded, polluted (and less so in a few, a very few instances) cities. All the while Troost delights with his wit, perception and insight. Here’s a sample of his prose describing a trip to a traditional market;

And then, as if we were lost in some grim Humane Society nightmare, we began to wander past stalls selling frogs, chickens, eels, turtles, cats, scorpions –big and small- – dogs in cages, ducks in bags, and snakes in bowls. There were 2,000 stalls in this market, and this, apparently, was where Noah’s Ark unloaded its cargo. If you were planning a dinner party and looking to tickle your guests’ palate with a delicately prepared Cobra heart, perhaps followed by some bunny soup and sauteéd puppy, the Qingping Market is for you.

Now there is some wit and exaggeration, so if you’re looking for a literary journey with a stodgy, politically correct anthropologist, this book isn’t for you, but I’d rather travel with Troost than a disciple of Margaret Mead.

Troost experiences the full China – the majesty of the Forbidden City, come ons from the prostitutes, the cute pandas, the karaoke on the Yangste River Cruise, the constant haggling, the bandit taxi drivers, the expat pot heads in Yunnan, the cheerful Tibetans, and the hordes who’ll knock down their great grandmother to get to their assigned train seat.

He weaves in history and politics with a light touch that makes it memorable and interesting. You’ll learn a lot about bargaining and patience on the road from Troost.

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In Qingdao

Image

Over Coffee: China

Starbucks in Jinan is a blessing. Not just for cappuccino, but for community. Kristyn and I went and bumped into the American who’s opened an Italian restaurant here. Boy, does he have some stories.

This afternoon I learned a lot. Here are some tidbits:

  • All the flour, cheeses and spices are imported from Italy so getting them into China is a big project. This guy, let me protect his identity and call him Guy, was saying that he kept checking on a shipment. It hadn’t arrived and he’d been waiting and waiting. He thought the items were tied up in customs in the port city of Qingdao. Finally he gets a call from a bureaucrat, who tells him he should take a bunch of his colleagues out to eat. His wife, who’s Chinese, urges him to go along and to buy an iPad for each of the guests. So the lavish meal capped off by presentation a beautifully wrapped iPad for each guest. The next day Guy gets a call. “Your shipment is here in Jinan ready for delivery.”  Ugh.
  • Often when big shot guests come to the restaurant to impress colleagues, they’ll take someone aside and offer extra cash so the chef will use “the good ingredients.” Guy responds via a translator that all the ingredients are good and suggests they just buy desert with the extra money.
  • Some people in Jinan have asked him to import wine that costs 500,000 rmb a bottle. That’s almost $80,000.
  • I learned that Jinan is a military town and home to what could be called the Chinese Pentagon.
An SVG map of China with Shandong province hig...

An SVG map of China with Shandong province highlighted Legend: Image:China map legend.png (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Guy wanted to find an organic farm for his produce. Most of the ones he visited were showrooms with lots of photos of perfect vegetables and most of the organic produce here isn’t organic at all. There’s a lot of fraud. He did find one honest organic farmer though.
  • The sea salt in Chinese should be avoided. It’s highly polluted.
  • Customs didn’t want to let Guy’s sea salt from Italy in. They asserted that it had some other chemical in it. He assured them that it didn’t. Mind you Guy’s got a strong background in chemistry from his first career in pharmacy In the end they said to fill a shaker of salt with Chinese salt for that to be tested. Oh, and yes, pay a bribe. He’s well known at the Apple reseller here.

We did talk about how good-hearted most Jinan-ites are. It wasn’t completely negative, but it is interesting to hear about the experiences other expats have.

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